


aversion

by serenitea



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 10:30:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9436187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenitea/pseuds/serenitea





	

When my father died, it was just Seulgi and me. Sure, we had our mother but all she did was exit in and out of the house, dropping a bag of meat on the dining table and muttering, “Cook and feed your sister.” And then she was gone.  
The meat would feed my sister and I for about five days. And in those five days, Mother would be gone. You see, our Mother was quite the independent woman when our father died. She used to work as a businesswoman at a high-paid, successful company. But when news of my father’s heart attack reached her, she dropped everything and tended to his needs.  
We ran out of money quickly. And within months, my father was gone. Mother had never been the same since then. Mother worked odd jobs, from being a bartender at a night club to finally quitting and becoming a full-on sex worker.  
She thought I didn’t know. She didn’t know better.  
I said nothing. If she got money to feed my sister and I, that was all that mattered to me. I dropped out of high school my second year, and I was not going to let that happen to Seulgi.  
Seulgi. She had such bright eyes, an innocent smile, and a charm that no other girl could ever possess. I could love no woman other than sister, and so I wanted to give her the best of everything. And that was why I began working part-time at a department store near our shabby apartment.  
Ah, yes. Our apartment, our “home.” Needless to say, we live in a one-room ‘home.’ We’ve got a small dining table and a couch (which is where Seulgi sleeps), a shitty toilet with its matching sink and shower, a home phone, and a sorry excuse for a fridge and oven. We also had a backdoor which led to the garbage bins outside, but it was in a shady alley so we usually kept that door locked. When I applied for the job at the store, I nearly sobbed at the gift of new clothes. I didn’t care that it was uniforms, new clothes were still clothes and for that I was grateful.  
I pick up the bag of meat Mother left for us and began cooking it. I don’t know where Mother gets the meat from, but it’s bloody and soggy. Disgusting. But it was food and it was edible, and that alone is enough. I guess.  
“Wonwoo,” Seulgi whines. “When’s Mom coming soon?”  
“Don’t know,” I respond, concentrating more on the meat rather than my sister who has sighed more than times than I ever have in my life. “Why’re you asking? She always does it. What’s so special about today?”  
Seulgi puffs her cheeks at me, arms crossed in front of her chest. “I don’t know,” she replies. “It’s just lonely, I guess.”  
“Lonely?” I chuckle. “Am I not enough?”  
“Nah, you’re weird.” She smiles. At least one of us is still maintaining a positive and loving attitude. I must say, I loved my sister for that. Even though I felt dead in the inside, just having her presence was enough for me to keep going.  
Still. I couldn’t comprehend the fact that she constantly asked where our mother was. “When is she coming home?” “Where is she?” “Should we call her?”  
I don’t know. I don’t know. No, we don’t have a phone.  
I had never seen Seulgi this interested in our mother before. She had always looked up to me whenever she needed something or if she were in trouble. Asking where our mother was annoyed me.  
“It’s ready.”  
“Ah, thank you.”  
We had no chairs, just a small table. It didn’t matter, we mostly ate at the floor. Seulgi cracked her knuckles and smiled at me before proceeding to eat silently. We never talked while we ate – it was just a thing that she and I shared.  
Silence was usually seen as an awkward trait between people, but not to us. We loved the silence. She looked at me and handed her empty bowl before getting up to stretch and plopping right onto the couch.  
“Why don’t you stay next to me?” She asked loudly, patting the floor beneath her.  
I rolled my eyes. “Someone needs to clean these dishes, and we both know it’s not going to be you.”  
Seulgi replied with a ‘true’ and before long, she was finally gone. I sighed at the sight of my messy sister. One leg on the floor, the other on the couch. Her mouth was open, which means she’s going to be snoring soon.  
Which also means I have to sleep quickly otherwise I won’t be able to sleep. I must say – my sister snores like a boar. I hastily cover her body with a blanket and grabbed a pillow before shutting my eyes and forcing myself to count sheep in my head before drifting to sleep.

“Wonwoo. Wonwoo. Wonwoo!” I awoke the minute I felt a cold hand on my skin. I jumped from my position only to face my mother who beamingly smiled at me.  
“What the fu- what are you doing here?” I asked, exasperated. What the hell? From the corner of my eyes, I see that the night is still dark. We’re in the early hours. What the hell was this woman doing?  
“I brought a friend,” Mother responded. “Get you and your sister to the car, pronto.”  
“Are you crazy?! No!” I protested but Mother glared at me and pointed a finger to my sister. I knew I couldn’t comply. Mother always won. I stood up in frustration, carefully lifting Seulgi into my arms without waking her up. She had school tomorrow. Fuck the woman who put me through this.  
I glanced at my mother who in return gave me a cold smile and allowing a strange to step foot into our shitty room.  
Disgusting.  
The man walked in with a smug on his face, his eyes filled with lust and want. I knew from the minute he opened his mouth that he was drunk, intoxicated. His eyes wandered from me to my sleeping sister in my arms before his mouth crept into a sinister smile.  
I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him right on the spot.  
But Mother was there. And she placed a hand on my shoulder, and whispered into my ear, “Go.”  
I slowly walked past the man who was still smiling and was out the door in less than five seconds. I could hear giggles and loud laughter coming from inside the room. My mother had just kicked me and my sister out for a one-night stand with a completely wasted loser.  
Un-fucking-believable.  
Was I surprised? No.  
I stumbled walking down the steps into my mother’s vehicle, carefully opening the door and lightly placing my sister inside. Fuck. I didn’t bring a blanket.  
I sighed, taking off my jacket and placing it above my sister. And it was cold as fuck, so if this isn’t love then I don’t know what is. I tried to think of the bright side to this predicament.  
One. We, technically my mother, had a vehicle so at least we weren’t too homeless.  
Two.  
I had nothing. It was official; however, our mother simply didn’t care for her two children anymore. We were just a burden and two mouths to feed for her. I sighed, shivering in the cold with my short-sleeve shirt that was filled with holes.  
Thank the Gods I didn’t have work tomorrow otherwise I would have walked in there half-alive. I decided that I would just pull an all-nighter to look after my sister. Who knows what kind of creeps can walk past and harass her while I was asleep. No, that wasn’t going to happen.  
The whole time I watched the sun come up. And I must say, it was more beautiful than the inside of our home. Maybe I should stay outside more.  
Seulgi yawned and stretched her arms above her head before sitting up swiftly and bumping her head as a result. “Ugh!”  
“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” I grinned through my teeth. Her face was filled with confusion and before she could even open her mouth, I shot my hand up. “Dear Mother is inside with a man.”  
“Who is it?” she asked, rubbing her eyes and scratching her hand.  
I shrugged my shoulders, pushing myself up and offering a hand to my sister. “Let’s go, m’lady. You need to get ready for school.”  
She groaned but still took my hand and continued to stretch more. She cracked her knuckles, she had a habit of doing that and thus, her hands looked older than they should be. “School? Can’t I skip that?”  
I scoffed. “No,” I answer and we both walked up the stairs and into the shitty room that we called home.

It was stuffy. Extremely stuffy. Mother had a mug of coffee on one hand, and a wad of cash on the other. She smiled at us and waved the bills at our faces. “Look what Mommy has. Looks like we’re eating well tonight.”  
“You worked hard,” I answer sarcastically, looking over at the sleeping man with revulsion. “So, can he go now?”  
Mother smiled. “Yes, he’ll go now,” she laughed and kicked the man in the face. “Let’s take you home, honey!”  
The repulsive man grumbled loudly, standing up to look at me. His face sensed a familiarity and he grinned a stupid smile before looking behind me and eyeing Seulgi. Seulgi felt uncomfortable, I could tell, as she gripped my shirt and stayed behind me without moving an inch.  
“Hello there, pretty thing,” he said, still drunk from the night before. Seulgi didn’t respond and instead kept her head down and moved closer towards me. I could hit him. I could hit him right here, right now. “Not much of a talker, eh? Too bad. Men won’t like it if you don’t talk to them, sweet thing.” He laughed and burped loudly, making my mother smiled stiffly.  
“Come now, Haekyung,” Mother said, opening the door for her client.  
“On my way, Jiyeon,” he answered, leaning into me and showing his yellow teeth. “Have a nice day, Wonwoo.”  
And like that, he and my mother were gone.  
“Seulgi, are you okay?” I spun around, placing both hands on her shaking shoulders. I knew that she was afraid. Every woman had the right to be. But she put on a front and a smile, nodding at me and giving me a thumbs up.  
I hated when she did that. When she pretends that she’s fine, smiling like nothing horrible had just happened to me. Smiling during our father’s funeral. Smiling when I announced I had dropped out of high school. And now, smiling when a repugnant man had creeped her out.  
And yet, I still loved it.

When Seulgi is at school, I often search for new openings in shops nearby our neighborhood. Along with the department store, I still had a lot of free time during the weekdays, so I had no excuse to not work. My pay was just average, it wouldn’t be enough to cover even a semester for Seulgi’s university savings.  
I exhaled and circled a bunch of openings that were advertising on the front of the newspaper. Yes, I still read the newspaper. This is what happens when you’re broke and can’t afford a computer. In the beginning of the year, Mother often stole my paycheck and used it to buy goods for herself.  
And by goods, I meant alcohol. She would douse bottle after bottle on herself, getting drunk almost everyday. It was a nightmare. When that woman was drunk, that woman wasn’t our mother, she was a complete animal. Seulgi hated it, and our mother at least had the decency to drink outside the house.  
But a few months ago, I began to hide my stash of paychecks inside my pillowcase. Mother hasn’t stolen them ever since then.  
The door slammed and in came Mother in revealing clothing. I gasped and turned my turned away because of embarrassment. “Food,” she announced, dropping a bag of meat in front of me.  
“Uh, thanks. But we have a lot more…” I start.  
“So?” She snapped. “Food is food. There’s no such thing as too much.” She dropped herself on the floor, sighing loudly and searching her purse. “You like the dress? Just bought it.”  
“Sure,” I muttered.  
“Cost a fortune, you know,” she scoffed.  
“So you bought that expensive-ass dress and the meat?”  
Mother hesitated a bit before turning to me. “Yes,” she responded, picking herself up and shaking her wallet. “Look at that. Empty again. I’ll see you and Seulgi by tomorrow. Or maybe in a few days. Who knows. Stay out of trouble. Love ya!”  
You didn’t stay for a whole five minutes. You didn’t even ask me how I was.  
Sometimes I wonder, what if one day she just forgets about us?

I often daydream about what it was like to have two loving parents who cared enough about the children that they decided to have and raise. For the parents who held their children tight and whisper a small ‘I love you.’ I knew Seulgi craved for that fantasy, I did too at one point. But enough was enough, and this was reality.  
Seulgi came home that day, complaining about the load of homework that she had to do. I smiled. Fuck I missed homework. She wrinkled her nose and glanced at the newly fresh meat that was sitting on the table. Pointing to it, she looked at me with confusion in her eyes. “Uh, there’s another bag here.”  
“Yeah,” I say coolly. “Guess Mom hit the jackpot last night.”  
“I hope I never have to see him again!” She announced, diving into the couch and taking out her schoolwork materials. “He gave me the creeps!”  
“I’ll say,” I respond, making my way and patting her on the head. “Hey, guess what?”  
She looked at me as I held up a small bag of rice. Her eyes widened and she quickly snatched it from my hands. Rice was hard to come by, but I figured since I had enough money saved up, I may as well splurge on some delicacy. A small bag fit for two people with big stomachs. Good enough. “You bought rice?!”  
“Best brother?”  
“Best!”

For the next two weeks, Mother brought in three different men. I was getting irritated by the second. The woman clearly did not have the decency to at least take her private life out of my sister’s and me. I knew that Seulgi was irritated just as I was, but she was more polite and just kept quiet and stayed at the back of me.  
Men that looked at her were disgusting, and yet my mother let them. In doing so, she was just as disgusting as they. How could a mother let such men do that to her own teenage daughter?  
On a starry night, Seulgi was wide awake, lying down at the backseat of our mother’s vehicle. She was silent for the most part but glanced at me from time to time, as if she was scared that I might suddenly leave her. After hours of silence, she cracked.  
She sobbed, and I let her. Occasionally, I would lend an arm or a shoulder for her to cry on, but I knew that she liked to cry alone. She hated the thought of people watching her cry, she hated that she thought it made her look weak. I disagree. I believe that it made her stronger, to show her emotions and feelings in the presence of those around her.  
That was true strength. I just wish that one day she’d be able to understand that. After she completed her sobbing fest, I hand her a white handkerchief, which she gladly accepted. “White?” She chuckled, wiping her bloodshot eyes. “I’m going to make it dirty.”  
“When do you not make things dirty?” I ask. She never cleaned, never cooked. But she was the one going to school, and the one possibly going to take us out of poverty. At least I hoped so.  
She laughed. “True.”  
The cycle would continue for a month. Mother would bring a man home and each time, there would be food on the table. However, Mother’s style changed drastically. She no longer brought in younger men, but instead brought in elderly men who were clearly in their 80’s. It was a drastic change and yet the elderly men were still as disgusting as the younger ones.  
I suppose they never change.  
I confronted my mother about this one day on the rare occurrences when she was home and I was done with work. “Why older men? That’s gross, no offense.”  
She sighed, stalling for time as she dug through her purse and fixed her makeup with her compact mirror. “Because Wonwoo, they’re the ones with the most money. You know, retirement money and all that. It’s good to milk them out before they die.” She flipped her hair from her shoulder and put a hand on her hip. “Now, how do I look?”  
Gross.  
“Nice.”  
“Very good,” she grinned, taking her belongings and swaying her hips before opening the door. “I’ll bring you and Seulgi some food tomorrow.”  
“Don’t bother,” I murmured but she was already out the door. Seulgi and I stopped eating the meat that my mother left for us. We would only eat it if we were extremely desperate, but ever since I landed a part-time job at the local bookstore, we didn’t have to. Combined with the money saved up from my previous jobs, we were well off in buying a different variety of foods.  
Whether it was strawberries or milk, Seulgi was overjoyed to have anything other than the bloody meat our mother brought in. And as her caregiver, that was rather fulfilling to me. Seulgi stopped asking questions on our mother’s whereabouts, which was a sigh of relief to me.  
At 11 o’clock that night, a knock came upon our door. I raised my eyebrows in confusion, no one usually visited us. And Mother always had her house key, so that couldn’t be our mother at all. I looked over at Seulgi who was drawing on her notebook, no, her friends wouldn’t be this rude and barge in so late.  
I hesitated a little before gaining the courage to look into the peephole. An officer who looked much older than my mother stood, his hand on his cap, a disgruntled look on his face. I watched in shock, police men do not just come into our door for no apparent reason.  
I gulped as I put a hand on the doorknob, trying my best not to look suspicious but immediately trashed out that idea because I had done nothing to be suspicious in the first place. Once the door was opened, the officer replaced the look on his face to a more kind and open-minded one.  
“Jeon residence?” The officer asked, his arm over the frame of our door and I knew then that it was too late to slam the door on his face and hide Seulgi and I.  
“Uh, yeah,” I say. Seulgi was beside me then, a hand on my shoulder as she eyed the officer silently. “Is there something you needed?”  
“Can I come in?”  
Beside me, Seulgi bit her lip and made a unformattable sound, looking everyone that wasn’t the officer’s face. “S-Sure,” I stuttered, looking Seulgi and I aside to allow the officer to come in. Mother won’t like this, she wouldn’t like this at all. What was I doing, allowing a stranger to walk into our shitty place?  
He was probably laughing inside. These two teenagers were stuck in a hellhole like this? Where are their parents? There wasn’t much to look at in the beginning, but the officer decided that he needed to check each inch of the premise, opening and closing shit that wasn’t his to open. He lifted the bag of bloody meat Mother had left us the other day and waved his hand. “Should throw this out, kids. It’s smelling.”  
Perhaps we were used to the smell, but it didn’t bother Seulgi and I at all. We just nodded our heads and kept quiet. “Where’s your mom?”  
“She’s not, how did you know we only had a mom?” I froze in place and the officer smiled at me.  
“Just a guess,” he responded. “If any of you are in danger, just let me know.”  
“Danger?” Seulgi squeaked. “What do you mean?”  
“Nothing, stay out of trouble, you two.”

I awake to the sound of crying and glass shattering. I immediately jump from my position, only to see Seulgi missing right next to me. I panic, hands to my hair as I darted to the front door, looking in both directions to see a young girl sobbing. Nothing. I’m panicking now.  
Wait.  
The sounds didn’t come from the front door. It came from the back. I run to our back door only to notice that it was completely open and not locked anymore. Strange, but I couldn’t care less. I open it forcefully and from below, I see Seulgi sobbing next to my mother, who is drenched in blood.  
“Shut up!” Mother hissed then looked up, saw me, and rolled her eyes. “Well, are you going to stay there forever?”  
I stand, my mouth open but I force my feet to move as I walked down the stairs. Mother was covered in blood, a knife on her hand. Seulgi was next to her, bent down, hands to her face as she sobbed endlessly into her hands.  
And I notice the body that she was crying on. The body of the officer that had visited us earlier. What the fuck? Seulgi looked up to me, eyes filled with fear. Now, I ran to her and kept her in my arms as my mother looked obviously annoyed.  
“Why…why would you…” I start.  
“Me? I didn’t kill him. Seulgi did,” she said, smiling proudly as she twirled the knife that sat in her hands. “How does it feel to have killed someone for the first time, honey?”  
Seulgi glared at our mother, hands filled with red as she kept close to me, the sweat filled her forehead and hands. “She forced me! She’s a monster!”  
“A monster that raised you,” Mother scoffed, kicking the body with her stilettos. “I did all this for you kids and I don’t sense an ounce of gratitude from either of you. I’m honestly insulted right now.”  
“Mom…why?” I whimper, never letting go a trembling Seulgi.  
Mother raised her eyebrows and let out an exasperated sigh. “How do you think I’ve been feeding you kids these months?”


End file.
